The rapist is entirely to blame for his actions.
He is out of control. He is like a runaway train
rushing down the tracks, about to crush whoever
and whatever is before him. Having said all of that,
GET OFF THE TRACKS! You don't try to fight a
runaway train, you avoid getting hit by it.
On this page:
Afraid To Call For Help* |
Our approach* |
Why our approach pisses off so many people |
A Look at How Rape Really Happens |
Assumption of Power |
Attack Range |
Beware Ye Young Romans... |
Body Sacrosanct |
Bonding Process (Human mating behavior) |
Disneyland State Of Mind/ Hermit Crabs * |
Facts about Rape |
Five Stages of Violent Crime * |
High Risk Behavior |
High Risk Behavior and Profit |
High Risk Behavior and Rape |
Home Invasion * |
Is It REALLY About Self-Defense? * |
Lethal Force to Prevent Rape |
Normal, Abnormal, Dangerous * |
Rapist profile |
Positive and Negatives rights* |
Reduced Capacities * |
Personal Responsibility vs. Blame |
Provoking An Attack |
Pyramid of Personal Safety |
Safe Dating |
Self-Defense Training* |
Stopping Break-in Rapists |
Unintended Consequences |
Using Ineffective Violence To Stop Rape * |
Using Deadly Force to Protect Yourself |
Western Ethics and Prohibitions About Using Force |
Women's Self Defense Training isn't ... |
What YOU Can To Do To Avoid Rape*
Here at NNSD, our goal is rape prevention, not
damage control. What we're about is: What you can do to keep
from getting raped.
We're not about changing society, lobbying,
politics, trauma, therapy or raising awareness. Again, we're here to
help you not be sexually assaulted. We're pretty unapologetic
about this approach.
Rape is an act that happens between individuals. As such, you
have much more power and control -- and yes, responsibility --
about making sure it
doesn't happen to you. In our book, that's empowerment.
That's power and agency. We'd like to see you keep those, grow
and develop them.
On the other hand, we've seen the trauma and damage rape causes.
It's not... pleasant. If you've gone through it, you have our
condolences. If you're ready to keep it from happening to you
again... well, we can help. If you haven't faced a sexual assault,
our goal is to help you not become a statistic for advocates or a
customer for victim counselors.
What do we mean by 'damage control?' After a rape occurs
re-establishing emotional stability and a person getting her world
back together is
needed. There are many organizations and groups who will help a
woman who has been raped with putting her life back together and to
deal with rape trauma syndrome (a form of
PTSD). They will also help (and encourage) her to pursue
legal action against her assailant. Those organizations can
help a woman deal with the trauma immediately after being
sexually assaulted.We understand that and respect the efforts of
such organizations to help women who have been targeted by sexual
Having said that, recovery is something else we're not about.
You should also know, the subject of rape has not only gone
political and ideological, but also big money (for profit,
non-profit and funding). That colors much of the information out
there. Unlike many other sources, we're not here to raise your
awareness, educate you about rape culture, decry oppression, call
you to action or preach what is wrong with society. We're especially
not on about post modern ideals about women's rights or patriarchal
oppression. In short, we're not interesting in changing society,
laws or recruiting you to the 'Cause.'
Again, what we are about is to keep you
from being raped. Period. Full stop.
As astounding as it may sound, this goal puts us at odds with
many of the popular
agendas about rape, rape education and the organizations
that promote such. They need victims. There's no money to be
made if people aren't raped. Prevention is bad for their
business. If you're safe, that's okay. We can live with not
making a buck off your suffering.
Also know we're not real popular with people who put
their feelings and rights first. We're way outside both
their comfort zone and power base. There's a lot of
resistance to avoidance strategies in certain circles. It's
deemed infringing on someone's rights. A common response is
"Why should I have to...?"
About that, after a lifetime of going tooth-and-claw
stopping violent people and criminals, we can definitely say
what it takes to stop an attack is outside most people's comfort
zone. Realize we're talking about having to gouge a would-be
rapist's eyeball out to stop him from raping you. That's if you
don't have a weapon. (Oh you didn't know most states deem rape
grievous bodily injury? That's one of the conditions where
maiming and use of lethal force is allowable.) Stopping someone
from raping you isn't about what you want to do, it's about what
you're willing to do -- and doing it.
Two points guide the information we provide:
1) No damage control is ever as good as prevention.
2) By the time a situation gets to sexual assault, ALL
of your options suck.
So what do you say we take a good, long look about not
putting yourself into circumstances where you'd have to pop
someone's eyeball out?
Afraid To Call Parents For Help
Raw fact of life, teenaged girls are the most likely to get
raped. Another raw fact usually there's booze and drugs involved.
They're in a situation and know something is wrong, but they don't
call you to come and get them. Why? Because they're more afraid of
your anger about their underage drinking or getting high. Rape
is a vague threat to the young. On the other hand, your anger is far
more real to them. So what happens? They
don't call you for help and bad things happen.
A Look at How Rape Really Happens
Any number of women think of rape as a stranger jumping out of
the bushes and sexually assaulting her. This is a good news and bad
The good news is that the "jump out the bushes rapist is
A) the rarest type and
B) the easiest to avoid and prevent.
The same measures that keep you from
will protect you from being sexually assaulted in this manner.
So the odds of this happening to you
are pretty rare to start with and a little bit of
knowledge and a few simple,
common sense measures will greatly reduce those odds
Now, for the really good news, if you are not
associating with a certain
kind of people or engaging in
high risk behaviors, the odds of you being raped plummet
close to zero.
Unfortunately, that is the last of the good news.
The bad news is that the
reality of rape
is not simple. It is, in fact, a
complex problem. And complex problems seldom, if ever, have
An undisputed truth is that stranger rapes only
constitute a minute number of rapes. An overwhelming majority of
sexual assaults occur between people who know one another.
Sometimes intimately, sometimes peripherally, but it is someone
you have regular dealings with. That means it is not
just a simple "crime" nearly as much as it's a twisted extension
of human interaction.
That is where -- like I said -- things start getting
With that complication, however, comes a very important
point: The very fact that it
is a matter of human interaction gives you influence
on what happens -- including whether or not it even happens.
Rape is not something that just happens out of the clear blue
sky. This means: Being sexually assaulted is something you have
degree of control over whether or not it happens to
But this control is a double edged sword; your decisions,
words and actions have a major effect -- for both
good and bad results. What you do affects the outcome.
Therefore a big part of not being raped is based on what
to prevent putting yourself into a situation where you could
And -- if you find yourself in a
developing rape situation
-- doing effective action
to prevent it.
While that could mean getting out of there by hook or crook, it can
also mean having to physically hurt someone. Up to and including
Beginning to see why we're such big fans of avoidance?
Assumption of Power
Do women have power? We believe they do. However, often the
nature of power is misunderstood - especially by
Do you know how to tell when you're about to be
attacked? How about being set up for one? Let's talk about recognizing
Beware Ye Young Romans Among Barbarians
One of the bigger mistakes young people can make is to assume
that because they are breaking 'the rules' of where
they come from, that there are NO rules at all. This is
especially true when it comes to 'partying.' No matter where you go,
there are rules. And violating those rules has consequences --
especially in less-than-civilized circles. Using the analogy of
Romans and Barbarians we discuss how your assumptions about
people will behave can get you into deep trouble.
Inherent in the paradigm of certain people (especially within
certain cultural and socio-economic levels) is the assumption
body is sacrosanct. They believe they cannot be touched
without their consent, much less attacked. This core belief can
-- and does -- have a strong influence on their actions. Actions
that often increase their danger. Unfortunately, this
unconscious paradigm greatly adds to the trauma of being
Bonding Process (Human Mating Behavior)
Although many claim rape isn't about sex, rape is
a parasite that hides within a very normal human behavioral
pattern. A process that sex is pivotal to. This page explains Dr
Desmond Morris's 12 step 'Bonding Process' and how, via this process
establish intimacy. Once you know this process, you can see
how easily rape can occur when the process goes wrong -- especially
Disneyland State Of Mind/ Hermit Crab Thinking
Silly names, dangerous mindsets. These are attitudes that many
people unwittingly fall into. The problem is the danger is buried
under the 'more important' issues of having fun or going about your
business. It's a small step from these
attitudes to violence.
Facts About Rape
Our attorney has a saying, "Everyone knows what what something
means until there is a problem." By this he means that the same word
can have different meanings to different people. This can become a
major problem when everyone is using the same word,
but meaning different things. Unfortunately, this idea
applies in spades to the topic of rape. We discuss the facts, myths
misconceptions about rape.
Five Stages of Violent Crime
In order for ANY crime to occur, fundamental criteria need to be
developed. It is impossible for a crime to occur if the criteria
is not met. In fact, the crime can be non-violently aborted by
changing the circumstances to prevent the criteria from being met.
The problem is that the same conditions that allow for Bonding
Process can be turned into conditions necessary for date rape. Both
date rape and the conditions necessary for acquaintance rape fall
'The Five Stages of Crime' and are therefore recognizable
High Risk Behavior
Let us start by stating our definition of High Risk Behavior
isn't based in moralizing. The simple fact is that a wild party girl
(who knows the rules) can be safer among bikers than a 'good girl'
on a date with a 'Prince Charming' (who isn't). We define
High Risk Behavior as:
Any behavior that puts you into circumstances where violence is
probable. It's what you do in those circumstances that
will determine whether or not you will be attacked.
High Risk Behavior and Perceived Profit
Whether you use the "violence is probable" or the "moralizing"
definition of High Risk Behavior there is self-interest underlying
the decision making process. To be more specific the perception of
self-interest -- unintended consequences are a whole different
issue. Still we can never underestimate of the appeal of HRB.
Because face it, often
high risk behavior is fun.
High Risk Behavior And Rape
Politics, religion, gun control, abortion, they have nothing
over the kind of frothing-at-the-mouth fanaticism that you'll
encounter when you bring up the subject of
risk behavior and rape. Well, we hate to be the ones to break
tradition, but we're going to take a rational look at the subject.
Raw truth is most serial rapists talk their way into your home.
One of the most dangerous circumstances a woman can face is
home invasion. That's because often the goal isn't just
Is It REALLY About Self-Defense?
A lot of people get into so-called self-defense training for
reasons that have nothing to do with actual self-defense. On the
Is It REALLY about SD? page we take a hard look at an
elephant in room that people don't want to admit to.
Lethal Force to Prevent Rape
Did you know in most states rape is considered 'grievous bodily
injury?' As such the use of lethal force (shooting him in the face)
A big reason why we advocate rape avoidance is that ...
realistically ... you may have to kill someone to prevent him
from raping you. That is a horrible set of choices to have to
make, but it is a reality of what it can take
not to be raped.
Normal, Abnormal, or Dangerous
How do you know you're in danger? This very important question
isn't as easy to answer as you might think. This especially when it
comes to serial rapists– who often hide their intentions until it's
Normal, Abnormal, Dangerous model gives you a way tell
if everything is okay or there's a growing danger.
Personal responsibility vs. Blame vs. Rights
When it comes to rape a HUGE conflict exists over the issues of
personal responsibility, rights and blame. In fact, it is nearly
impossible to talk about this subject without a fight breaking out.
What one person considers to be personal responsibility, another
feels is trying to 'blame the victim.' The issue has become so
heated and controversial that most people are afraid to talk about
it. Our attitude is that since you are the one who is likely to get
raped if you don't take some personal responsibility,
it's worth talking about.
Establishing your priorities and
escaping from a potential rape.
Profile of a Potential Rapist
Simply stated, the oft parroted clich?of "All men are potential
rapists!" causes more damage than it prevents. Basically it is
either dismissed as paranoia or it creates paranoia. However, while
it is impossible to predict who will, or won't, rape (or abuse)
there are certain character traits that lend themselves to these
behaviors. While not all men are a
potential rapist or abuser, men with certain characteristics
have a much higher potential. Learn what these characteristics are
and make sure you're never alone with someone who has them.
Positive and Negative 'Rights'
Often the problem isn't with the original idea, but how people
decide to take an idea and run with it. Positive and Negative rights
is an idea that people haven't just grabbed and run with down the
street; many were was last seen crossing the state line (with how
far they take it). Oddly enough, most people haven't even heard of
the idea. This even as they are using it or being abused by someone
who's twisted this controversial interpretation of rights. You've
seen the idea of
positive and negatives rights
twisted if you've ever run into any of the following:
"I have the right to_____. But you don't have the
right to _____" ,
"I don't have to ____, but you have to____",
" _______ (someone else's service or property) is a
human right," or
"I shouldn't have to _________."
When it comes to rape, this screwed up idea is one of the
fastest way for a woman to put herself at high risk of being raped.
Provoking An Attack
Here's another reason we're not on the Christmas Card List of so
many rape advocates. But a raw truth is that rape is often
substituted for a man beating a woman senseless -- as he would do to
another man. He is attacking out of fury and rage over the
woman's actions. When the outrage of it being a sexual assault is
removed, the pre-assault behavior of both
parties is common to what is known as a FIGHT! And that old saw
"It takes two to fight" comes home to roost. Putting it bluntly,
there are certain behaviors that
will get you attacked! The reason this link is on the Rape
Page, is that after engaging in these behaviors it is not uncommon
-- like the loser of a fight -- for the rape 'victim' to blame the
attacker. When in fact, the assault could have been avoided!
Pyramid of Personal Safety
The Pyramid of Personal Safety is a comprehensive, multi-level
approach to ways to ensure your safety. Once you understand the
basic idea behind it is extremely
easy to put into effect.
It's hard to avoid being raped if through drugs and alcohol
you've reduced your capacities to out maneuver, out think and resist
a rapist . Some rule of thumb rules about
What can you do to decrease potential problems on a date?
Safe dating tips
Self-defense is a smaller subtopic of the larger issue of
personal safety. But even then many people have serious
misconceptions about what
So how do you find good self defense training? Here's a quick
rundown of what needs to be in a good self defense training program,
much less a women's self defense program. If these points aren't
being taught, it isn't
Stopping Break-in Rapists
First things first, we're going to tell you to check out the
Home Invasion page. If you're not scared, you don't
understand the danger. Having said that, the really good news is
that the same precautions that will stop a burglar will stop a break
in rapist. With a few simple steps you can
protect yourself from both.
Why is it so traumatic when things go violent? A huge part of
the problem is that most people were not only not mentally prepared
for violence to occur, but because of how they were thinking that
option wasn't even considered. As such they face both the shock and
trauma of the violence, but also the psychological fall into
Using Ineffective Violence To Stop Sexual Assault
Should you resist? We vote 'yes.' But understand what you need
to do in order to
Western Ethics and Self-Defense
Often popular Western philosophy is diametrically opposite to
what you have to do to survive. Before you can reconcile these
differences you need to take a look at what they are and
where they come from.
Women's Self Defense Training is NOT a substitute for Therapy
Many people come to WSD training without a clear idea of what is
involved in that which they want to protect themselves from. While
they know they don't want to be raped or attacked, they don't know
the technicalities of how these acts happen. Therefore they don't
know whether or not they are receiving reliable -- or even germane
-- information. Unfortunately, many WSD programs have shifted away
from nuts and bolts information about crime and rape prevention and
now focus on "empowerment." Many now provide courses that are
functionally pop-psychology courses on self-esteem building. Which,
while it may make you feel good, does very little about keeping you
safe from violence. This page is takes a hard look at trying to
solve personal and emotional issues through
What To Do To Avoid Being Raped
Here we provide a nuts-and-bolts list of strategies, tricks and
get out of being raped.
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