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Afraid To Call
Assumption of Power
Avoid Rape
Barbarians and Romans
Body Sacrosanct
Bonding Process
Disneyland Mindset
Economy & Violence
Five Stages of Crime
High Risk Behavior
High Risk Behavior & Profit
High Risk Behavior & Rape
Home Invasion
Home Security
Ineffective Violence
Is It REALLY about SD?
Lethal Force
Misconceptions About Rape
Personal Safety
Potential Rapist or Abuser
Provoking An Attack
Rights Rape Escape
Reduced Capacities
Responsibility vs. Blame
Safe dating tips
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Unintended Consequences
What WSD Training ISN'T
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Self-defense expert witness

RESOURCES at THE ZERO : The Official Website of Andrew Vachss

Go to RESOURCE section!



Another Chance to Get it Right
Andrew Vachss
Abuse recovery /Fiction


Sex Crimes
Alice Vachss
(Sexual abuse, prosecution)

Emotional Abuse
Zak Mucha
(Emotional self-defense)

Boundaries After A Pathological Relationship
Adelyn Birch

The Sociopath Next Door
Martha Stout
(sociopaths, antisocial disorder)

Sex offenders

Trauma of Violence

Survivor Personality
Al Siebert
(Emotional resiliency)

Violent Attachments
Reid Meloy
(Abuse, breaking dependency)

Victims No Longer
(Men, sexual abuse

Boundaries After A Pathological Relationship
Adelyn Birch

Explosive People
Albert Bernstein

Why Me? LEO teaches how to avoid becoming a victim
Robert Bryan

The rapist is entirely to blame for his actions.
He is out of control. He is like a runaway train
rushing down the tracks, about to crush whoever
and whatever is before him. Having said all of that,
GET OFF THE TRACKS! You don't try to fight a
runaway train, you avoid getting hit by it.
                                   -- MM


On this page:
Afraid To Call For Help* | Our approach* | Why our approach pisses off so many people | A Look at How Rape Really Happens | Assumption of Power | Attack Range | Beware Ye Young Romans... | Body Sacrosanct | Bonding Process (Human mating behavior) | Disneyland State Of Mind/ Hermit Crabs * | Facts about Rape | Five Stages of Violent Crime * | High Risk Behavior | High Risk Behavior and Profit | High Risk Behavior and Rape | Home Invasion * | Is It REALLY About Self-Defense? * | Lethal Force to Prevent Rape | Normal, Abnormal, Dangerous * | Rapist profile | Positive and Negatives rights* | Reduced Capacities * | Personal Responsibility vs. Blame | Priorities/Escape *| Provoking An Attack | Pyramid of Personal Safety | Safe Dating | Self-Defense | Self-Defense Training* | Stopping Break-in Rapists | Unintended Consequences | Using Ineffective Violence To Stop Rape * | Using Deadly Force to Protect Yourself | Western Ethics and Prohibitions About Using Force | Women's Self Defense Training isn't ... | What YOU Can To Do To Avoid Rape*

Here at NNSD, our goal is rape prevention, not damage control. What we're about is: What you can do to keep from getting raped.

We're not about changing society, lobbying, politics, trauma, therapy or raising awareness. Again, we're here to help you not be sexually assaulted. We're pretty unapologetic about this approach.

Rape is an act that happens between individuals. As such, you have much more power and control -- and yes, responsibility -- about making sure it doesn't happen to you. In our book, that's empowerment. That's power and agency. We'd like to see you keep those, grow and develop them.

On the other hand, we've seen the trauma and damage rape causes. It's not... pleasant. If you've gone through it, you have our condolences. If you're ready to keep it from happening to you again... well, we can help. If you haven't faced a sexual assault, our goal is to help you not become a statistic for advocates or a customer for victim counselors.

Our Approach
What do we mean by 'damage control?' After a rape occurs re-establishing emotional stability and a person getting her world back together is desperately needed. There are many organizations and groups who will help a woman who has been raped with putting her life back together and to deal with rape trauma syndrome (a form of PTSD). They will also help (and encourage) her to pursue legal action against her assailant. Those organizations can help a woman deal with the trauma immediately after being sexually assaulted.We understand that and respect the efforts of such organizations to help women who have been targeted by sexual violence.

Having said that, recovery is something else we're not about.

You should also know, the subject of rape has not only gone political and ideological, but also big money (for profit, non-profit and funding). That colors much of the information out there. Unlike many other sources, we're not here to raise your awareness, educate you about rape culture, decry oppression, call you to action or preach what is wrong with society. We're especially not on about post modern ideals about women's rights or patriarchal oppression. In short, we're not interesting in changing society, laws or recruiting you to the 'Cause.'

Again, what we are about is to keep you from being raped. Period. Full stop.

As astounding as it may sound, this goal puts us at odds with many of the popular agendas about rape, rape education and the organizations that promote such. They need victims. There's no money to be made if people aren't raped. Prevention is bad for their business. If you're safe, that's okay. We can live with not making a buck off your suffering.

Also know we're not real popular with people who put their feelings and rights first. We're way outside both their comfort zone and power base. There's a lot of resistance to avoidance strategies in certain circles. It's deemed infringing on someone's rights. A common response is "Why should I have to...?"

About that, after a lifetime of going tooth-and-claw stopping violent people and criminals, we can definitely say what it takes to stop an attack is outside most people's comfort zone. Realize we're talking about having to gouge a would-be rapist's eyeball out to stop him from raping you. That's if you don't have a weapon. (Oh you didn't know most states deem rape grievous bodily injury? That's one of the conditions where maiming and use of lethal force is allowable.) Stopping someone from raping you isn't about what you want to do, it's about what you're willing to do -- and doing it.

Two points guide the information we provide:
  1) No damage control is ever as good as prevention.
  2) By the time a situation gets to sexual assault, ALL of your options suck.

So what do you say we take a good, long look about not putting yourself into circumstances where you'd have to pop someone's eyeball out?

Afraid To Call Parents For Help
Raw fact of life, teenaged girls are the most likely to get raped. Another raw fact usually there's booze and drugs involved. They're in a situation and know something is wrong, but they don't call you to come and get them. Why? Because they're more afraid of your anger about their underage drinking or getting high. Rape is a vague threat to the young. On the other hand, your anger is far more real to them. So what happens? They don't call you for help and bad things happen.

A Look at How Rape Really Happens
Any number of women think of rape as a stranger jumping out of the bushes and sexually assaulting her. This is a good news and bad news situation.

The good news is that the "jump out the bushes rapist is
   A) the rarest type and
   B) the easiest to avoid and prevent.

The same measures that keep you from being robbed will protect you from being sexually assaulted in this manner. So the odds of this happening to you are pretty rare to start with and a little bit of knowledge and a few simple, common sense measures will greatly reduce those odds even further.

Now, for the really good news, if you are not associating with a certain kind of people or engaging in high risk behaviors, the odds of you being raped plummet close to zero.

Unfortunately, that is the last of the good news.

The bad news is that the reality of rape is not simple. It is, in fact, a complex problem. And complex problems seldom, if ever, have simple solutions.

An undisputed truth is that stranger rapes only constitute a minute number of rapes. An overwhelming majority of sexual assaults occur between people who know one another. Sometimes intimately, sometimes peripherally, but it is someone you have regular dealings with. That means it is not just a simple "crime" nearly as much as it's a twisted extension and extreme of human interaction.

That is where -- like I said -- things start getting complicated.

With that complication, however, comes a very important point: The very fact that it is a matter of human interaction gives you influence on what happens -- including whether or not it even happens.

Rape is not something that just happens out of the clear blue sky. This means: Being sexually assaulted is something you have a large degree of control over whether or not it happens to you.

But this control is a double edged sword; your decisions, words and actions have a major effect -- for both good and bad results. What you do affects the outcome. 

Therefore a big part of not being raped is based on what you do to prevent putting yourself into a situation where you could be raped! And -- if you find yourself in a developing rape situation -- doing effective action to prevent it. While that could mean getting out of there by hook or crook, it can also mean having to physically hurt someone. Up to and including killing him.

Beginning to see why we're such big fans of avoidance?

Assumption of Power
Do women have power? We believe they do. However, often the nature of power is misunderstood - especially by the young.

Attack Range
Do you know how to tell when you're about to be attacked? How about being set up for one? Let's talk about recognizing attack range

Beware Ye Young Romans Among Barbarians
One of the bigger mistakes young people can make is to assume that because they are breaking 'the rules' of where they come from, that there are NO rules at all. This is especially true when it comes to 'partying.' No matter where you go, there are rules. And violating those rules has consequences -- especially in less-than-civilized circles. Using the analogy of Romans and Barbarians we discuss how your assumptions about people will behave can get you into deep trouble.

Body Sacrosanct
Inherent in the paradigm of certain people (especially within certain cultural and socio-economic levels) is the assumption that their body is sacrosanct. They believe they cannot be touched without their consent, much less attacked. This core belief can -- and does -- have a strong influence on their actions. Actions that often increase their danger. Unfortunately, this unconscious paradigm greatly adds to the trauma of being assaulted.

Bonding Process (Human Mating Behavior)
Although many claim rape isn't about sex, rape is a parasite that hides within a very normal human behavioral pattern. A process that sex is pivotal to. This page explains Dr Desmond Morris's 12 step 'Bonding Process' and how, via this process humans establish intimacy. Once you know this process, you can see how easily rape can occur when the process goes wrong -- especially date rape.

Disneyland State Of Mind/ Hermit Crab Thinking
Silly names, dangerous mindsets. These are attitudes that many people unwittingly fall into. The problem is the danger is buried under the 'more important' issues of having fun or going about your business. It's a small step from these attitudes to violence.

Facts About Rape
Our attorney has a saying, "Everyone knows what what something means until there is a problem." By this he means that the same word can have different meanings to different people. This can become a major problem when everyone is using the same word, but meaning different things. Unfortunately, this idea applies in spades to the topic of rape. We discuss the facts, myths and misconceptions about rape.

Five Stages of Violent Crime
In order for ANY crime to occur, fundamental criteria need to be developed. It is impossible for a crime to occur if the criteria is not met. In fact, the crime can be non-violently aborted by changing the circumstances to prevent the criteria from being met. The problem is that the same conditions that allow for Bonding Process can be turned into conditions necessary for date rape. Both date rape and the conditions necessary for acquaintance rape fall into 'The Five Stages of Crime' and are therefore recognizable and actionable.

High Risk Behavior
Let us start by stating our definition of High Risk Behavior isn't based in moralizing. The simple fact is that a wild party girl (who knows the rules) can be safer among bikers than a 'good girl' on a date with a 'Prince Charming' (who isn't). We define High Risk Behavior as: Any behavior that puts you into circumstances where violence is probable. It's what you do in those circumstances that will determine whether or not you will be attacked.

High Risk Behavior and Perceived Profit
Whether you use the "violence is probable" or the "moralizing" definition of High Risk Behavior there is self-interest underlying the decision making process. To be more specific the perception of self-interest -- unintended consequences are a whole different issue. Still we can never underestimate of the appeal of HRB. Because face it, often high risk behavior is fun.

High Risk Behavior And Rape
Politics, religion, gun control, abortion, they have nothing over the kind of frothing-at-the-mouth fanaticism that you'll encounter when you bring up the subject of high risk behavior and rape. Well, we hate to be the ones to break tradition, but we're going to take a rational look at the subject.

Home Invasion
Raw truth is most serial rapists talk their way into your home. One of the most dangerous circumstances a woman can face is home invasion. That's because often the goal isn't just rape.

Is It REALLY About Self-Defense?
A lot of people get into so-called self-defense training for reasons that have nothing to do with actual self-defense. On the Is It REALLY about SD? page we take a hard look at an elephant in room that people don't want to admit to.

Lethal Force to Prevent Rape
Did you know in most states rape is considered 'grievous bodily injury?' As such the use of lethal force (shooting him in the face) is allowed?

A big reason why we advocate rape avoidance is that ... realistically ... you may have to kill someone to prevent him from raping you. That is a horrible set of choices to have to make, but it is a reality of what it can take not to be raped.

Normal, Abnormal, or Dangerous
How do you know you're in danger? This very important question isn't as easy to answer as you might think. This especially when it comes to serial rapists– who often hide their intentions until it's too late. Normal, Abnormal, Dangerous model gives you a way tell if everything is okay or there's a growing danger.

Personal responsibility vs. Blame vs. Rights
When it comes to rape a HUGE conflict exists over the issues of personal responsibility, rights and blame. In fact, it is nearly impossible to talk about this subject without a fight breaking out. What one person considers to be personal responsibility, another feels is trying to 'blame the victim.' The issue has become so heated and controversial that most people are afraid to talk about it. Our attitude is that since you are the one who is likely to get raped if you don't take some personal responsibility, it's worth talking about.

Establishing your priorities and escaping from a potential rape.

Profile of a Potential Rapist
Simply stated, the oft parroted clich?of "All men are potential rapists!" causes more damage than it prevents. Basically it is either dismissed as paranoia or it creates paranoia. However, while it is impossible to predict who will, or won't, rape (or abuse) there are certain character traits that lend themselves to these behaviors. While not all men are a potential rapist or abuser, men with certain characteristics have a much higher potential. Learn what these characteristics are and make sure you're never alone with someone who has them.

Positive and Negative 'Rights'
Often the problem isn't with the original idea, but how people decide to take an idea and run with it. Positive and Negative rights is an idea that people haven't just grabbed and run with down the street; many were was last seen crossing the state line (with how far they take it). Oddly enough, most people haven't even heard of the idea. This even as they are using it or being abused by someone who's twisted this controversial interpretation of rights. You've seen the idea of positive and negatives rights twisted if you've ever run into any of the following:
  "I have the right to_____. But you don't have the right to _____" ,
  "I don't have to ____, but you have to____",
  " _______ (someone else's service or property) is a human right," or
  "I shouldn't have to _________."
When it comes to rape, this screwed up idea is one of the fastest way for a woman to put herself at high risk of being raped.

Provoking An Attack
Here's another reason we're not on the Christmas Card List of so many rape advocates. But a raw truth is that rape is often substituted for a man beating a woman senseless -- as he would do to another man. He is attacking out of fury and rage over the woman's actions. When the outrage of it being a sexual assault is removed, the pre-assault behavior of both parties is common to what is known as a FIGHT! And that old saw "It takes two to fight" comes home to roost. Putting it bluntly, there are certain behaviors that will get you attacked! The reason this link is on the Rape Page, is that after engaging in these behaviors it is not uncommon -- like the loser of a fight -- for the rape 'victim' to blame the attacker. When in fact, the assault could have been avoided!

Pyramid of Personal Safety
The Pyramid of Personal Safety is a comprehensive, multi-level approach to ways to ensure your safety. Once you understand the basic idea behind it is extremely easy to put into effect.

Reduced Capacities
It's hard to avoid being raped if through drugs and alcohol you've reduced your capacities to out maneuver, out think and resist a rapist . Some rule of thumb rules about partying safely.

Safe Dating
What can you do to decrease potential problems on a date? Safe dating tips

Self-defense is a smaller subtopic of the larger issue of personal safety. But even then many people have serious misconceptions about what self-defense is.

Self-Defense Training
So how do you find good self defense training? Here's a quick rundown of what needs to be in a good self defense training program, much less a women's self defense program. If these points aren't being taught, it isn't self defense.

Stopping Break-in Rapists
First things first, we're going to tell you to check out the Home Invasion page. If you're not scared, you don't understand the danger. Having said that, the really good news is that the same precautions that will stop a burglar will stop a break in rapist. With a few simple steps you can protect yourself from both.

Unintended Consequences
Why is it so traumatic when things go violent? A huge part of the problem is that most people were not only not mentally prepared for violence to occur, but because of how they were thinking that option wasn't even considered. As such they face both the shock and trauma of the violence, but also the psychological fall into unintended consequences.

Using Ineffective Violence To Stop Sexual Assault
Should you resist? We vote 'yes.' But understand what you need to do in order to be effective.

Western Ethics and Self-Defense
Often popular Western philosophy is diametrically opposite to what you have to do to survive. Before you can reconcile these differences you need to take a look at what they are and where they come from.

Women's Self Defense Training is NOT a substitute for Therapy
Many people come to WSD training without a clear idea of what is involved in that which they want to protect themselves from. While they know they don't want to be raped or attacked, they don't know the technicalities of how these acts happen. Therefore they don't know whether or not they are receiving reliable -- or even germane -- information. Unfortunately, many WSD programs have shifted away from nuts and bolts information about crime and rape prevention and now focus on "empowerment." Many now provide courses that are functionally pop-psychology courses on self-esteem building. Which, while it may make you feel good, does very little about keeping you safe from violence. This page is takes a hard look at trying to solve personal and emotional issues through self-defense training.

What To Do To Avoid Being Raped
Here we provide a nuts-and-bolts list of strategies, tricks and ways to get out of being raped.

Return to top


American Hookup
Lisa Wade
(Sex on campus)

Boundaries in Dating
Henry Cloud

Marc MacYoung
(Crime recognition/avoidance) 

Body Watching
Desmond Morris
(Non-verbal messaging)

Emotional Vampires

Albert Bernstien
(Boundaries with

Gift of Fear
Gavin Debecker
(Mental preparation, psychology)

Explosive People
Albert Bernstien


Doug Lamb
(SD, non-lethal)

What You Don't Know Can Kill You
(How your SD training will put you into prison or the ground)

Self-Defense for Women: Fight Back
Price/ Christensen
(Women's Self-Defense)

Complete Idiot
(Boundary setting)

Nasty Men
Jay Carter
(Emotionally abusive men)

Calling the Shots
Jenna Meek
(Pistols, concealed carry, WSD)

Law of Self-Defense
Anthony Branca
(Legal issues of SD)

Gun Proof Your Children/Handgun Primer

Massad Ayoob
(Firearm Safety)

30 Emotional Manipulation Tactics
Adelyn Birch
(manipulation, recovery)

Amy Alkon

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